Yesterday my wife, Jenn, shared a little bit of her authentic story. Today I am sharing a little bit of my part.
But first I want to say thank you. This has been an incredible month of love and we are only halfway through. all of our contributors are amazing and the comments have been filled with love and support. You guys are truly the best!
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The sun warmed the car as I headed to the airport to drop off my friends after a long weekend in an intensive spiritual retreat. I called my husband to check in…
“I am just dropping the girls off at the airport and then I will be on my way home”
“Ok, when you get here we need to talk about something.”
“Is something wrong?”
*pause* “no… not wrong… just… we’ll talk when you get home”
The words were heavy and uncomfortable.
I hung up the phone and finished the drive, said goodbye to my friends, and drove home, all the while worrying about what we needed to talk about…
After that, things become kind of a blur. I can’t remember exactly what was said or how. But the heart of the story is that this was the day that my husband told me that he needed to be a woman, and that he wanted to start taking steps in that direction.
There were tears. There was hand holding. There were questions. There were hugs. There were tears.
Neither of us really knew what to do with this information now that it was out there.
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Rewind back to the weekend.
The retreat I was on was the latest in a series of weekend intensives that were part of a 2 year spiritual development program. For about a year and a half prior to that weekend, I had been taking the time and space to explore my spirituality and my relationships with myself and the Divine.
Any time you give yourself over to deep internal work, whether it be spiritual, psychological, coaching, or something else, you open the door to change and all of the people and the things that don’t fit in your life will either expand to meet you or become uncomfortable until they fall away.
I knew that going in.
I but it’s a risk you take when you are trying to live your best and most authentic life. Even knowing that, I could never have predicted this turn of events.
This kind of growth can be painful and scary. It can make you want to avoid this kind of work. But what I have to tell you is this.
My spiritual development saved my marriage.
Before embarking on my spiritual journey there is no possible way I could have handled that news with any kind of grace. I would never have imagined I could stay in the relationship, and I wouldn’t be here now, happily married and pursuing my passion.
I don’t believe for a minute that it was a coincidence that the topic that weekend was the Divine Twins and universal paradox. There was extensive exploration of paradox and the ability to hold two conflicting ideas at once, and when I got home I met paradox face to face.
I firmly believe that the universe had been moving us both to a place where we could handle the transition.
I woke up early the next morning, while he was still sleeping, and the first thing I did was email my teacher and ask her counsel. I had no framework to hang this on and she gave me sound guidance. I spent a little time researching and journaling and thinking.
I decided that I wanted to make it work.
After all, I fell in love with the person, not the parts. So at some point in the next few days I did a little shopping. I presented her with a gift, a women’s silver bracelet, as a promise to do everything I could to make things work for us and to support the transition.
I am not going to say it has been easy (seriously, the pronoun thing alone could drive a person batty), and I am not going to say it didn’t hurt sometimes. But because I had spent so many months expanding my experience and nurturing my spiritual development, I had the capacity to move forward on this uncharted path.
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So what is the moral of the story?
Looking deeply into your true self is hard and it’s scary… and it is absolutely vital on the way to being your best, most authentic self.
This is the true paradox of love.
If we shy away from our shadowy parts we will never know the capacity for love that we hold in our hearts.
That capacity is greater than we could ever imagine.
Thank you for this… I’ve been able to wrap my mind around Jenn’s decision, but I really wondered what was going through your mind. No judgment whatsoever, love prevailed (which is totally awesome!), I just love to know what’s going on in people’s minds. Thank you for this. Big big hugs to you both!!
Thanks Robyn. Big hugs back to you too!
Both your post and Jennifer’s brought tears. How incredibly courageous to tell your stories. Bless you.
Thanks Madelon! <3
I too have wondered about your journey of transformation in the marriage. It makes so much sense that your spiritual opening saved the relationship. We all must adapt and change over time in a partnership but this is a true testimony to the love you felt for the person you married. Wow.
Thanks Loran. I am just glad that we have been able to change together.
You are beautiful. This gave me goosebumps. THIS is unconditional love.
Thank you Christine!
I commented on Jennifer’s post, and here too – I am so happy for you both, and glad to know that you’re still with the lovely person that I met years ago. What a beautiful, meaningful life path you are walking together. All the love in the world to you both – but you already have it!
Thanks Jen!
lol a lot of things have change on all sides since you were here last!
Gorgeous. You are gorgeous inside. Thank you for telling your story.
<3
Thank you <3
I agree with Christine…this is TRUE unconditional love. I also cried with your story as well as Jenn’s. She is courageous for doing what she needs to do knowing the difficult possibilities there could be and you are courageous for sticking by her. The two of you are truly amazing and inspirational people.
Thanks Machelle
Your story is incredible and proves that true love is sacred, spiritual, paradoxical and will survive even the most impossible.
Thank you for believing in love and the power it has to always transform. ♥
Thank you Katie.
Sacred, spiritual, paradoxical….Yes!
Tina, your story speaks directly to my heart… it helps me understand the need to extend beyond labels, fears, and the surface… it helps me understand that only when you go deep can you reach the abyss of unconditional love, acceptance,and gratitude. You are one of the most authentic warriors I know. Thank you for sharing your truth. Love to you & Jenn!
Thank you Carrie.
“only when you go deep can you reach the abyss of unconditional love”
This is exactly it. For yourself and in a relationship.
Oh, Tina — what a gift your story is. And the bracelet — the bracelet made me cry!
What a beautiful miracle that the Universe sent the two of you on paths for readiness at the same time. Yes to the power of love, transformation, and spiritual growth!
“What a beautiful miracle that the Universe sent the two of you on paths for readiness at the same time.”
When I look back at the parallels over that 2 years of training me amazes me how that is exactly what happened.
Thank you Melissa
Your and Jenn’s stories together give me hope. Thank you so much, both, for sharing them.
Thank you Elinor. I am glad we could inspire hope
This one statement is what I think most people should take home from this post:
“Looking deeply into your true self is hard and it’s scary… and it is absolutely vital on the way to being your best, most authentic self.”
I, too, am a firm believer that the Universe gives us what we need when we need it. Both you and Jenn were ready to have the discussion at the perfect time and I’m so glad it worked out for both of you!!
~Kesha
Yes I think that is the main message too. At least it has been for me.
Thanks
so amazing. Write before I read your post I took a drink from my smoothie. I didn’t realize until after I finished your post that my hand was still mid-air, the smoothie somewhere between my mouth and the table. An amazing story and I applaud your honesty, am in awe of your journey and am uplifted by who you are.
thank you,
The Pleasure Nutritionist
Thank you Daphne! I have to say I laughed a little to imagine your mid air smoothie