Yesterday my wife, Jenn, shared a little bit of her authentic story. Today I am sharing a little bit of my part.
But first I want to say thank you. This has been an incredible month of love and we are only halfway through. all of our contributors are amazing and the comments have been filled with love and support. You guys are truly the best!
“I am just dropping the girls off at the airport and then I will be on my way home”
“Ok, when you get here we need to talk about something.”
“Is something wrong?”
*pause* “no… not wrong… just… we’ll talk when you get home”
The words were heavy and uncomfortable.
I hung up the phone and finished the drive, said goodbye to my friends, and drove home, all the while worrying about what we needed to talk about…
After that, things become kind of a blur. I can’t remember exactly what was said or how. But the heart of the story is that this was the day that my husband told me that he needed to be a woman, and that he wanted to start taking steps in that direction.
There were tears. There was hand holding. There were questions. There were hugs. There were tears.
Neither of us really knew what to do with this information now that it was out there.
Rewind back to the weekend.
The retreat I was on was the latest in a series of weekend intensives that were part of a 2 year spiritual development program. For about a year and a half prior to that weekend, I had been taking the time and space to explore my spirituality and my relationships with myself and the Divine.
Any time you give yourself over to deep internal work, whether it be spiritual, psychological, coaching, or something else, you open the door to change and all of the people and the things that don’t fit in your life will either expand to meet you or become uncomfortable until they fall away.
I knew that going in.
I but it’s a risk you take when you are trying to live your best and most authentic life. Even knowing that, I could never have predicted this turn of events.
This kind of growth can be painful and scary. It can make you want to avoid this kind of work. But what I have to tell you is this.
My spiritual development saved my marriage.
Before embarking on my spiritual journey there is no possible way I could have handled that news with any kind of grace. I would never have imagined I could stay in the relationship, and I wouldn’t be here now, happily married and pursuing my passion.
I don’t believe for a minute that it was a coincidence that the topic that weekend was the Divine Twins and universal paradox. There was extensive exploration of paradox and the ability to hold two conflicting ideas at once, and when I got home I met paradox face to face.
I firmly believe that the universe had been moving us both to a place where we could handle the transition.
I woke up early the next morning, while he was still sleeping, and the first thing I did was email my teacher and ask her counsel. I had no framework to hang this on and she gave me sound guidance. I spent a little time researching and journaling and thinking.
I decided that I wanted to make it work.
After all, I fell in love with the person, not the parts. So at some point in the next few days I did a little shopping. I presented her with a gift, a women’s silver bracelet, as a promise to do everything I could to make things work for us and to support the transition.
I am not going to say it has been easy (seriously, the pronoun thing alone could drive a person batty), and I am not going to say it didn’t hurt sometimes. But because I had spent so many months expanding my experience and nurturing my spiritual development, I had the capacity to move forward on this uncharted path.
So what is the moral of the story?
Looking deeply into your true self is hard and it’s scary… and it is absolutely vital on the way to being your best, most authentic self.
This is the true paradox of love.
If we shy away from our shadowy parts we will never know the capacity for love that we hold in our hearts.
That capacity is greater than we could ever imagine.