(Re)Claiming What’s Yours After a Relationship Ends

New Nice ThreadsRelationships come with attachments of all kinds. And when the relationship ends, it isn’t just the furniture and friends that end up getting divided. A lot of other things get caught in the middle.

Recently I was a part of a couple of conversations about choosing what to claim and what to let go of after a relationship sours. Here are a few ideas…


Why would you want to get rid of articles of clothing or other items if they are from an ex-friend, or someone you no longer want to associate with?

Imagine that each person in your life ties a thread on you whenever you interact with them. The more you interact, the thicker and stronger the thread gets.
If someone leaves your life – for whatever reason, anything that is/was connected to them pulls on those threads. If it’s someone you don’t want in your life anymore then the threads have a negative energy that is tying you down.

If you can unhook those threads and take the energy out of the things, or if the things have more good energy than bad, then maybe you can keep them around and be ok. If not, they cause problems and it may be best to remove the items from your life as well.

For something like clothes I would suggest starting by getting them professionally cleaned and then focus on why they are amazing for you, how they make you feel, why you like them, etc.  Other items could be washed, cleansed with sage smoke (also known as smudging), or whatever method you prefer to take out some of the negative energy.

But in order to keep these things without issue, you must take that emotional charge out of them so that they don’t set you back every time you see or use them.

The exception to this would be the belongings of someone you cared about who has passed away. The emotional charge is different in this case because you probably still want to hold on to some things as keepsakes, and you don’t want to wholly disconnect from them. In this case, time is probably the best answer.


What do you do when you want to reclaim something you really love (a movie, a song, whatever) and all it does is remind you of the past?  Like, there are a lot of things I enjoyed before I got married, but now they don’t feel like mine anymore.

This is tricky! You loved them when you were single, you shared them when you were married, and now that you’re divorced there is all this emotion attached and you are struggling to enjoy them. I totally get it.

What makes them trickier is that they are intangibles and you might not always have control of when they show up. Songs come on the radio at the grocery store, movies show up on Saturday afternoon tv, and so on.

One of the ways I have found to reclaim the things you love is to remind yourself why you loved them in the first place.

Call back your memories of the first time you heard that song or saw that movie, what made you love it? What were you doing? Who were you with at the time? How did it make you feel?  Allow yourself to fall back into those memories.

The other way to reclaim them is to create new memories to associate with them. Does that song have a great beat you can dance to? Dance it out with your kids or your best girlfriend, or even your dog! Make up silly lyrics and sing them to your cat, etc.

Most importantly, set an intention to reclaim them for yourself, take action to reclaim them, and give it some time.


Recovering from the end of any relationship is difficult.

If you take the time to explore what you really want in your life and where these things fit, reclaiming them can be much easier.


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