Today I am also guest posting over at The Headologist during her Inside/Outside series. For more info about energetic decluttering check it out here.
Have you ever noticed that decluttering is hard?
You know you should get rid of the things that you don’t need anymore, but instead of actually doing that you look at it and remember something about it and put it back.
Or you have things that you want to have out and about in your house but there is no room to put them out because there is stuff you don’t love in the way.
Or you can’t put out the things you love because there is a bad memory attached to them, but they are things you love so you can’t let them go either.
This happened to my client Emily. When we first started working together, she had a box of beloved things that she couldn’t unpack. Every time she tried she remembered the horrible fights, and the soul crushing words of her ex.
In that moment, picking up her beautiful candy dish, she was transported back in time and all of that emotion hit her like a truck. Instead of candy, the dish was holding fear and sorrow. So, as much as she wanted it on her table, she couldn’t even look at it.
Our things hold energy and emotion.
It isn’t always bad. Trophy’s and ribbons hold memories of victory and can bring that feeling of excitement and triumph, wedding photos and rings can hold love and connection, and so on. Having things around you that make you feel good is a great way to keep the energy in your home enjoyable and comfortable.
But when the memories are negative in some way, and you can’t let go, it’s time to take it to the next level and unravel whatever is still tying those emotions to you.
Because putting them in a box in the closet only works for a little while.
For Emily, the things themselves were obviously not the issue. The issue was the fear and sorrow that came with them. Emily’s relationship had left her feeling small and incapable. Being told over and over that you are less than can have this kind of effect. It had taken all she could muster to leave and start her life over in a new place.
She was doing great! She had been painting and she had even gone back to school. She was getting personally stronger, and had decided that she wanted to sort things out for herself before even thinking about a new relationship. But still the box haunted her.
So how did we deal with this?
Through our coaching we figured out a few things. The first was that there was no trust. She didn’t trust herself or other people. Her personal boundaries had been torn apart in bad relationships, romantic and otherwise. So we worked towards setting new boundaries and ways that she could begin to trust herself again.
The second was that Emily was highly sensitive to the energy of people and places around her. This brought about a lot of anxiety when she had to go to stores or other places that had a lot of hustle and bustle. So we worked on ways that she could shield herself from the barrage of stuff that wasn’t hers.
The exercises and techniques were deceptively simple, but they began to shift her energy and her patterns of behavior and interaction.
By the time we finished our work together not only had she been able to go to a wedding full of people (most notably family members who had questioned her choices) and enjoy it, but she had a new relationship developing in a way that kept her boundaries healthy and secure.
And the box?
Totally unpacked, with all of her beloved items cleansed and ready to display.
When I asked Emily if I could share her story and what she though was most important to add, she said this:
The real power is in taking control of your energy, where it goes, what you’re holding onto, who already has it, who you give it to, how you give it to them; there are so many facets that I never thought of before until you were coaching me through each step, going through each layer of “crap” that I had been holding onto.
And that, my friends, is really what decluttering is about.
Going through each layer of “crap” that you are holding onto and shifting what it means to you.
So I invite you to take a quick look around you right now, notice the things you are holding onto, and ask yourself these questions.
What purpose does that serve for me?
What memories does it hold?
What really needs to shift here?
Surround yourself with the things you love, and untangle yourself from the things that keep you stuck.
Need help getting untangled from bad memories and old stuff? Let me know, I can help.
Tina,
I am so thankful that you helped me see the things that I couldn’t see before, and when ever I have the chance I let people know how much you helped me! I feel as though I have grown 1000 times stronger then I used to be now that I know how to shield myself.
Quick story; the other day, I emailed a friend of mine who I had done a barter sale with a while ago (for some tickets that my ex boyfriend then found a way to steal at the convention, because they hadn’t fixed the name to what I had filled out the paperwork for, I couldn’t do anything since I transferred them to her in their computer system) and her response to me was full of negativity thrust towards me, I felt it like daggers and it hurt so bad I became instantly depressed, I had no idea she felt that way about something I had had no control over given the circumstances.
I cooled down and re-centered myself and responded to her with kindness and told her my side of the situation and what she might be able to do to help get through her own frustrations over what happened. And then I let it go. Shielding myself from the negativity and looking forward again at what I can do to keep moving forward instead of what was holding her back that she tried to drag me back into.
I don’t know if I would have come back from it so quickly and positively unless I knew what was really happening with the energy in the transfer from her to me. Now that I know I am no longer in the dark about my energetic life.
Also – I have been working in any free time I have to clear my physical clutter, especially in my art room, I didn’t realize how much it was holding me back, but now that I know I am working on clearing the space so I can make new art
-Emily Rose
YAY I am so excited to hear about all that is happening for you! LOL it makes me want to do a little happydance!
This is so very true! As I spring clean my house, I’m finding I inevitably wind up with a pile of stuff in each room that I “don’t know what to do with.” This spring, it’s going to the curb, to friends, craigslist and charitable organizations. Stuff takes up space but also takes up energy. Clear and cleanse!
This weekend is for spring cleaning around here too. Clear and cleanse!
Something in the air right now, for sure. I cannot stop decluttering and I am LOVING it.
YAY for decluttering!
I loved your post. The lady you helped is very blessed to have such a talented coach. I especially loved the last 3 questions…”1. What purpose does that serve for me? 2. What memories does it hold? 3. What really needs to shift here?” Thanks for posting this!
Thank you so much, Pam! I love being able to work with people to get past whats keeping them stuck!
Tina & Emily, thank you for sharing your story. I love this idea in particular: “And that, my friends, is really what decluttering is about.
Going through each layer of “crap” that you are holding onto and shifting what it means to you.” The notion of “crap” brings the meaning of toxicity closer to home. That’s what happens when we hold on.
Emily, it’s nice to hear how working with Tina is shifting so many things in your life right now. Tina, the world is lucky to have your gifts:)
Thanks Carrie!
That’s a really appropriate connection to make to toxicity. Sometimes we just need a little help letting go.
Carrie,
Thanks for the input about the connection with toxicity, it is soo true! Sometimes it can be a struggle to see it, but once you do, its time to clear the toxic energy out!
-Emily Rose